remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
