You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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