Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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