what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
