At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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