the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
