i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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