i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
