So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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