can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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