i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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