I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize