she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
