did you get engaged???
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
