Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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