please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
