Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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