I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
