Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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