you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
