Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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