I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize