i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
