So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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