Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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