Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
