I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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