Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
