So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
