She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
