I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
