My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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