Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize