I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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