We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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