I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
