we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
