Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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