So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
