my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
