i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize