ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's the barista slut.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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