12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
