My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
