stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
