porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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