Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
