Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
