i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
