I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
