we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
