im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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