Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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