Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Terrible idea I love it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
