I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
