Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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