aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
