No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
