In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Boobs are out for the taking
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
