if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
