Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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