i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
