Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
