i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
