My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize