Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
