the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
