Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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