haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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