I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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