Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
