Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
