She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
