Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
