Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
