I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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